I'm a youth pastor's wife. People tend to think that because of this, I don't get the same treatment that a Pastor's wife would. Maybe, but not in this church. If the congregation found this, my husband would probably get fired, that is, if they knew it was me who wrote it. I'm writing this in hopes that someone like me, put in the position I have been put into can relate and realize they're not alone. I'm not going to fill this with Bible verses, or inspirational dribble. This is my life, my real life. I try to be as real as possible. I'm Christian, I love God and I believe that Jesus was a real guy, with real wounds. But, for a pastor's wife, it's not that simple.
What if you feel completely ostracized by the congregation, like you can't be yourself? Like if they had any idea what you believed, or what you really thought, or how you really acted that your husband would lose his job? And why does that even matter? I am not my husband, he is the one on payroll, isn't he? The expectations of being a pastor's wife are incredible. I am supposed to be perfect. I am supposed to be able to do things for no pay. I am expected, when I get screwed over, to smile and be ok with it. I am expected, as the pastor's wife, to be Godly and clean, and happy all the freaking time. If people thought the Bible was full of fairytales, they would definitely think the standards a pastor's wife is held to are completely unreal.
I have tattoos, and they stare. I have strong opinions, and they scoff. I don't think piss and damn are curse words, but they do. I think that women should have a choice, and if we take it away isn't that messing with God giving us free will? Why say evolution is false because of the Bible? Maybe God just put it in laymen's terms so we could understand it, but knew we'd figure out how he really did things eventually. I'm not a conservative Republican. I believe pluralism is fine - and I support the first amendment. Maybe I'm not the best Christian, but neither are they. If someone can attest to their perfection, or even just their success at being a good Christian, they're full of crap. Read the Bible, and see what God asks of us. It's difficult stuff.
There is definitely an ugly side to the church, and I've seen it.
There's a good side - don't get me wrong. Most people who go to church get to see that side and don't even know about the troll under the bridge. Well, I'm not afraid of that troll.
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